Showdown
by staryu
Summary: The Shitennou are told by Endymion to train with the senshi and end up stepping on the ladies' toes. How will the showdown end? Crackfic.


Four men stand in the middle of the vast field, which was almost surreal with its blue tint and large size. The men, who were only a little more than boys, however, do not appear to be impressed with their surroundings, or at least are trying not be cowed by the new environment they find themselves in.

"I still can't believe we're doing this, Kunzite," a short-haired blond man complained. "Why are we training with the Moon Kingdom?"

Kunzite, the man with the silver hair, looked at the younger man. He looked as though he was about to retort, but thought better of it. Instead, he contented himself with giving the blond a malevolent glare before grunting, "Don't blame me. It was the King's idea."

"Oho!" Three light-haired young men turned to the only brunette, the one with the long brown hair.

"Care to elaborate what that meant, Nephrite?" the man called Kunzite asked, an eyebrow raised.

"Just thinking, is all," Nephrite said, a wide grin on his face.

"About what?" Jadeite asked curiously.

"Well, we know that the Endy's dating that princess chick of the Moon, right?"

The three winced at Nephrite's words. The man truly was a great general on the battlefield, but the man had the fault of being as barbaric out of the war zone as he was in it.

"Yes?" The strawberry-blond man responded, his tone wary. "What about them?"

"It's easy, Zoicite!" Nephrite exclaimed, looking at his fellow general as though he was stupid, which was far from the truth. "The Princess probably got him to agree to this! Our Endy's whipped! Henpecked!

Jadeite's sniggering was quickly cut off by Kunzite's glare. "Oh, come on, Kunzite!" The blond man protested.

Kunzite ignored the protest and instead turned to the one called Zoicite. "What do we know about them?"

Zoicite coughed nervously. He always hated being the center of attraction. "Well, aside from the fact that they wield magic that's characteristic of the… Creatures from the other planets… They…"

What Zoicite would have said about the warriors they were about to face was interrupted by the snickering of Jadeite and Nephrite. "Creatures, eh?" Nephrite snorted, laughing. "Figures. They're _aliens_."

Jadeite guffawed at Nephrite's quip. "I'd like to see the one from Mars. He's probably a little green man with funny antennas!" in so saying, he held his two index fingers and waggled these above his head, at which Nephrite chortled even more.

"I'm glad you have such a _high _opinion of us," an icy tone, unmistakably female, suddenly came from behind them.

As one, the four turned around, and their jaws dropped when they saw four stunningly beautiful young women – clad in short skirts, no less! – materialized in front of them. The ones in red and orange were even clad in heels!

The one in red stepped forward, her eyes blazing. "Close your mouth, dolt!" She snapped at Jadeite. "You look like an even bigger idiot with that gaping mouth!" Jadeite's mouth remained open. "What? Surprised that we don't have pointy things on our heads? Why I oughta…!"

"Easy, Mars," the girl in orange cautioned, putting an arm to prevent the brunette from lunging at the hapless Jadeite, who now seemed to have drool coming out of his mouth. "Sorry we were late, gentlemen. We had to see to the princess before we headed here. Shall we begin the training?"

It took a few seconds before the blond woman's voice penetrated the skulls of the men. Jadeite's mouth, which had already halfway closed, fell open again. "You…" Nephrite screamed, pointing a finger at the four. "You're the legendary warriors we're supposed to train with?"

"Is that a problem?" The tall auburn-haired woman in green answered, one eyebrow raised as she cracked her knuckles.

"But you're women!" Jonathan shrieked.

"Yes, we know what we are, earth-boy," the dark-haired woman growled. "What's it to you?"

"And you're in short skirts!" Zoicite squeaked.

"And you're wearing pants, so let's just say we're going to go easy on you," the blue-haired woman coolly spoke.

"Senshi!" The blond woman reprimanded, a smile tugging at the edge of her mouth. "Sorry, we're just a little grumpy because…"

"Because you didn't want to be here?" Kunzite surmised. A part of him cringed at the apparent flightiness of the blond girl, who seemed to be leading the group, but another part wanted to hear more of her voice. _For information gathering_, he told himself hastily.

The blond girl gave an embarrassed nod. "Yeah, you could say that," she admitted, ignoring the snort coming from the dark-haired woman. "We haven't introduced ourselves yet, have we?" As the four men shook their heads, the blond continued. "I'm Venus, the hot-tempered one is Mars, the tall one is Jupiter, and the blue-haired girl is Mercury. We're pleased to meet you."

"That's a matter of opinion," Jupiter muttered, but Venus studiously ignored her and asked for the Shitennou to be introduced.

"Well, I'm Kunzite," Kunzite said, "The blond kid's Jadeite, no, not him, the other one, _that's _Zoicite, and the other one's Nephrite."

"Great! Now we're all friends!" Venus exclaimed, beaming at them.

"Er, yes," Kunzite hazarded. "I suppose so." _Now what? _He added silently. He looked at the woman who named herself Venus once again. He marveled at the fact that she didn't seem to notice – why she would choose to ignore it was beyond him – that there were hostilities going on around them. Jupiter has progressed from standing up looking intimidating (not a problem given her height) to cracking her knuckles menacingly, Mars was literally smoking in rage, while Mercury was doing her best to suppress her anger. On his side, Jadeite had his mouth gaping again, while Nephrite was actively drooling after the Amazonian woman. _The Earth's finest_, Kunzite thought, stifling the urge to slap his forehead. At least _Zoicite _was doing something constructive.

"Well, I suppose we should go on training then," Minako said brightly. "Since we're on our home court, we're going to give you the advantage of a few minutes' break before we start the actual training, alright?"

"We don't need to…" Kunzite said, affronted, feeling as though he was insulted. They were Earth's mightiest generals and warriors after all! His speech was cut off with Zoicite tugging at his sleeve. "What?" He snarled.

"Take the break!" Zoicite hissed. "I need to tell you something!"

"Fine!" Kunzite whispered back. "This better be good!" He forced a smile to his face before he turned to Venus. "As I was saying, we would be _delighted _to take the time that you're offering."

"Great!" Venus chirped. "We'll just stand over there, and you just wave your arms when you're ready, 'kay?" At this, she twirled around gracefully, the other women following her, but not before they sent dagger looks at the other men.

The moment the women were out of earshot, Kunzite turned to Zoicite. "What was that about?" He hissed, trying to keep his voice as quiet as possible. He didn't know just how well the women's hearing was.

"I got my readings from them, and, well…"

"What? They're weaker than us! I knew it! They're _women_!" Jadeite all but shouted, pumping a fist in the air. "They're the weaker sex!"

"Will you shut up?" Kunzite snarled, pulling his arm down. "What did your readings say?"

"I know what it said," Nephrite said, his voice dreamy. "I don't need a machine to tell me they're hot."

"Shut up!" Kunzite growled again. "What did your readings say, Zoicite?"

"Well, the one called Venus wields the power of light, Mars fire…"

"What? Fire?" Jadeite squeaked, his eyes bulging. "No one said anything about fire!"

"Shut up, Jadeite, before I regret bringing you here with me," Kunzite snarled, gritting his teeth. He felt the verge of a headache coming on. "Continue, please, Zoicite."

"Mercury controls ice, and Jupiter controls lightning."

Kunzite sighed. This was getting worse and worse. "Anything else you want to tell us?"

"The Jupiter is said to be stronger than ten men combined," Zoicite added, his voice slow.

"Well, at least it's only her, right?" Nephrite said, trying to look at the bright side of things. "We could take her and the others!"

""You misunderstand me." Zoicite gulped before he continued. "The others might not be as strong as her, but they're at least as strong as the well-trained soldiers. That, combined with their magic..."

"We're screwed," Jadeite groaned.

"Yep."

The three looked so morose that even Kunzite felt a surge of pity for his men. "Buck up, lads," he said, trying to make his voice as hearty as possible. "They might have magic and strength, but we have heart!"

"That's so cheesy, even for you, Kunzite," Nephrite groaned.

Kunzite ignored the younger man's comment. "We are the Earth's finest warriors. Are you men willing to go back home without the honor of proudly representing our planet? Are we willing to get defeated by women, nay, by girls? Do we not have the pride and honor as Elysion's finest?" Kunzite growled, practically yelling.

"Aye!"

"Then let's go out there, and let's show these Moon people what we're made of!"

"Aye!"

xoxoxoxo

The smell of burned flesh, electricity, and ice filled the air, along with moans and groans.

"Jadeite?" Kunzite groaned out. All four men were lying on the ground, with different levels of damage on their beings.

"Yes?" Jadeite managed to grunt. Kunzite painfully turned his head to look at the blond – formerly blond, he corrected himself – general, who was almost unrecognizable with his face covered in soot and his hair burned to the roots.

"Remind me again why they say women are the weaker sex."

"Ahehehe. You said se-"

"Shut up, Nephrite."

xoxoxoxo

And finished! I'm keeping this a one-shot right now, but I might continue this depending on the feedback and the inspiration I may get.

As always, reviews are welcome and appreciated.:) Thanks for reading!


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